Departure

And so, some tips about flying long haul…

Firstly, travel with a toddler. You can (and do) get away with blue murder with a toddler. The girl at check-in will fall in love with your darling child, thus diverting her attention from the heaviness of each of your cases. As your tiny friend chases the cases onto the conveyor belt, she'll also become blind to just how much hand luggage you're trying to sneak onboard.

Carrying a large bag for your pram, to 'protect it from getting scratched' is also another great way of gaining additional weight and volume. We smuggled an extra 5kg of books, toys and extra bedding in the pram bag - which doesn't sound like much, but with such a small allowance from Oz, every kilo counts.

There are other bonuses to travelling with a toddler too - you'll whizz to the front of lines at check-in and customs clearance with a baby, and you'll equally bag more overhead locker space right over your seat because of being boarded first. You'll gain extra legroom too and will be eating your food before others because of your first row seat allocation, and for the same reason you'll be first off the plane (after the rich folk in First Class of course).

Mind you, travelling with a toddler isn't all it's cracked up to be. Your child is highly unlikely to sit still for much of the journey guaranteeing you'll not watch a single movie, doesn't get a seat and might be too fat for a bassinet even after being promised one on the ground (Rhett was, and spent 24 hours on our laps) and if you make the mistake we made with flying Etihad (apparently the Worlds Leading Airline in 2009 and 2010) your child won't even get a meal allocated, despite paying for the privilege of being onboard - albeit at a much reduced rate.

Conclusion - flying the longest of long haul is the journey from hell at the best of times, but doing it with a very small child makes what can't possibly be worse, far far worse. We've promised each other never to do it again!