Today, we awoke to a fire that wouldn't light. I burnt myself twice, and had burning paper at my slippers for a few moments whilst I tried (in vein) to warm our kitchen. Twinkle came to my rescue, and demonstrated her next new skill of rubbing two sticks together - or at least building a better fire than me, one that actually lights and stays lit.
But from the time the alarm had rung, until the time we'd all gotten showered and dressed, we'd somehow lost 2 hours of our lives. Angelika arrived, and we prepared to give her the bad news - we weren't staying in Umbria.
She proceeded to tell us the washing machine had packed up, and that the reason the fire wasn't staying lit was probably because the chimney needed cleaning. We were also informed that the water supply might freeze over, and we might have nothing to wash with, or to drink. We delivered our verdict - she looked ready to cry, but I think she'd faced this before from others. This place is peppered with many major issues.
The top ten reasons we have decided to leave Umbria are:
1: Heating: The gas burner is highly dangerous with a toddler. The wood burner is too, but also requires constant attention to keep it running (i.e., loading it every 20 minutes with logs - if we go outside, this isn't possible, and on return to the house, it's back to square one with building a fire from scratch. Also, now, it no longer works.
2: Cooking facilities: 2 extremely slow electric rings mean we simply can't cook much at all, and what we do cook takes literally forever.
3: Washing machine: Located a trek from our house, up 48 stone steps (the equivalent of a four storey house). However, it is broken, meaning the nearest washing facilities are in the town (now requiring snow chains to reach). If it did work, drying clothes would be another challenge, as there is no dryer, and the aforementioned heating system does not allow for drying of more than a couple of towels at any one time.
4: Connectivity: Whilst there is internet in the main house, wifi doesn't penetrate the 300 year old walls, and the suggested 50m ethernet cable is currently not possible because of the weather (not just the snow). Also, there is no phone, so the purchase of an Italian mobile would be necessary (if only we were staying). Landline in the main house is disconnected currently, because of falling tree branches severing the cable.
5: Electricity disconnection: Aforementioned falling tree branches have also meant we've experienced many power cuts, and the house is wired in such a way that we can only use a small amount of items simultaneously - the boiler and kettle exceed that quota, and cut our power.
6: Access and movement: The property is truly massive, with access to the lower house via terrifyingly steep stone steps. These became covered in sheet ice, making them all but deadly, meaning my second task was to clear them quickly. Two hours of my life I'll never get back! Vehicle access to the property is currently only possible with the use of snow chains, but even before the snow, access was a huge challenge, and Croissant's clutch won't hold up with many more trips in and out. Our tyres would not last until the summer with the crudeness of the track to reach the house either.
7: Bugs: The house is filled with local wildlife, including one particular breed of bug that sounds like a miniature helicopter - not ideal when sleeping. We've found spiders in bed with us, beetles in the food cupboards, and a constant supply wandering the floors which Rhett tries to eat.
8: Sleeping arrangement: By midnight, Rhett's toasty warm body turns to ice and his chattering teeth wake us all, meaning he is transferred into our bed to defrost. Our bed is slightly warmer, although because of the six duvets and three blankets, it is rather heavy on our legs, and we do both feel rather like the Pea from The Princess & The Pea. We also have four hot water bottles.
9: Broken toilet and other maintenance issues: It seems that literally everything in the house is somehow broken, and the toilet is no exception, which refuses to refill with water unless the cistern is fiddled with each time we flush. We also have a cupboard with a dropped door, thus locking all the draws to the left unless aforementioned cupboard door is opened first and a bookshelf that somewhat resembles the Leaning Tower of Pisa. The exterior lights don't work, meaning torches must be carried at night, and there is a huge lack of practical equipment in the kitchen, including no kettle.
10: The water supply: A constant fear is running out of water, which is fed by a well. Whilst we haven't yet run out, we rather feel it's only a matter of time.
Yes, it's time to leave.
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